Buried

Clutching her teddy bear
to myself,
I am trying to bury the pain
in the depths of my heart,
The way she is buried now
in the depths of the earth.

Dying Souls...!

         There I was , sitting atop a low sand hill, with the vast barren plain stretching in all directions around me; interrupted by other sand mounds occasionally. I see the death and decay, I can feel it in my bones, cam feel the marrow weakening, the bones cracking and splitting just like the cracked land in front of me. This land lacked the love of sky (water) and the dryness was killing it slowly from the inside; the only outwards signs being the cracked soil and the yellow wilting blades of grass.
        I am attracted to this piece of land because I can see the similarities, it's just like me.... lacking love! ...the heart slowly dying with the dark circled eyes, telling the unsaid stories of sleepless nights, and the scaly dry skin as the only outward signs. I am like this dying land with a little part of me withering every day like the small clusters of grass dying daily! I can see the blazing sun in the sky and I feel it's scorching heat trying to kill the tiny little blossoms of hope who dare to fight against the decay. It reminds me of the scorching words of people that sear my soul and kill the beautiful tiny blossoms of hope on the tree of my thoughts.
       Sitting here at the funeral procession of this dying land, I can feel it's pain and the indescribable suffering. Seems like the soil underneath is calling me. I can hear it's pleas of love as it takes the last shuddering breaths, telling me the stories of it's joyous times...!
       The sudden wind whipped my hair and I caught the lose strands in my eyes. Pushing them out of my eyes I tore my eyes away from the wallowing land and looked up at the sky and saw a small cloud trying to hide the mighty sun... the irony made me laugh out humorlessly. But then I noticed the winds and the clouds desperately fighting the sun... trying to obscure it to save their beloved from the open arms of death. I watched in amazement as the winds unleashed their anger, and more clouds rushed furiously across the sky blocking the scorching heat of the sun and darkening the blue skies. And then I felt a drop of Elixir of life falling on my upturned face and felt the land underneath my feet starting to smile as the love of sky started to shower down on it and it's dying soul breathed again. The tiny particles of soil started to dance and swing with the grass on the music of the rain drops! I can hear their songs and can smell the love in the moist air. the joy of the land made me smile and that smile brought my own soul back to life and I realized that feeling others pain and joy is what brings us true happiness and makes us forget our own worries. this thought helped grow blossoms of hope which started to flourish with the water of smiles, on the tree of thoughts in the land of my mind....!

"Precious Moments"

Crusted moon shining behind the horizon,
Dwindling sunlight peeping into the woods,
Sweet scent of soil dancing with the rain,
Butterflies timidly admiring the flowers,
Lush green grass conversing with the breeze,m

Moonlight saturating into the sea so deep,
Footprints engraving secrets into the sand,
Wild horses tapping on the cosmic land,
Thunderclap coming after a flash of light,
Seven colors dispersing from a single beam of white,
Hands wrinkling with the passage of time,
Ordinary people bringing difference sublime,
Moments these are precious as ever,
Need not the icing of words....never,
Forever and forever,
they will be meant;
only to be felt....and cherished....
with love,
Kindled
and relished!

                    -Aksa

Love Of Technology

         There she was sitting in a work frenzy with two computer screens in front of her; she connected a flash drive to a CPU and started copying the contents onto the monitor screen, switching on the other system she connected a card reader to the other CPU wondering whether to plug in the mobile memory card or the camera storage card into it first! Deciding on the camera card she connected it and started rifling through the photos on the LCD screen. Putting the photos on a copy\paste she switched on the music system and started going through the CD rack for a good CD.
         *Check the new message* ..... This tone distracted her and while picking up the cell phone to check the message she noticed that it was running on a low battery, taking out a charger from a drawer of the working table, she put the phone on charging on the same power board with all other appliances.
        A sound from the computer told her the flash drive had finished it's work, seeing this she connected a wi-tribe to that computer and started the internet. While opening her blog she picked up her e-book from the table and opened the article she had intended to post...
       A knock on the door and her brother walked in asking her to help him out with a maths problem. She fished out a scientific calculator from another drawer and started solving the problem. In between doing this she also changed the card in the card reader and started loading some songs in the new memory card...
       Replying to another text message she re-opened the e-book, switching her attention back to the monitor screen she searched her brains for a suitable title for the article...
       And at that moment of thought she zoomed out!...her brain started to slow down, detaching itself from the body it possessed  and viewed the scene from a third person's perspective!
       What she observed shocked her!... She was sitting at a table with two screens and digital keyboards, a musik system on one side, a television screen on the back wall, an e-book, a cell phone, flash drives, different memory cards and a calculator lying around her. In short she sat there surrounded by machines.
        She realized that a minute ago she had been working with all these things... no! she had been a part of all these things, a machine operating all these machines! She was there with no thoughts, no feelings, nothing at all except a brain working as the operating unit of all this stuff!
        In that moment she realized why this world was moving towards cruelty with each passing day. It was modernization, increasing technology or better said increasing number of humans turning into machines. Feelings were dying. Kindness, love and humanity seemed like withering yellow leaves of a dying autumn tree!
       That moment told her why her life was bleak ans stark, devoid of emotions, warmth and love...!
       You know why she had this kind of life??  That's because she was a machine like all of us....'us'__ the people of te modern world, who are forgetting that the best things in life are not 'things'!

BoRn InSaNeS :))

Some random stupid and funny moments of life with the people I love and the idiots formally known as friends! :)
 
The wonderful school life....
Biology teacher's starting line for every lecture:  Yesterday we were discussed.
       For two years this line was the cause of  some of our daily laughs until the day when..... she exited the classroom and Umama rushed to her desk and started her parody not knowing that she was standing in the doorway, watching,.... our ears never got the lucky chance of hearing this line after that day :-(

                                     


Slam book questions;
                           If you ever jump off the school building__ what would be the reason?
      Sana: Ruhi jee (biology teacher) doing sexy moves at the front of the building.
                        -quite a solid suicide reason!

                       Your bad habit?
      Sana:  I love those who don't give their shit to me
(me wondering what the hell would she want that for)
                      -ignore the literal meanings!

_________________


 Aqsa: Who do you hate the most?
Manal: I don't hate her...
                   -informative elaborations!

_________________


 Aqsa: what do you like about me?
Maha: ummm..... you are so Pandey!
                 -Descriptive answers with personal termenology

_________________


Aqsa: What's friendship?
Manal: it's friendship.
Maha: It's a ship in which all friends lie!
               -huh 'lie'? Descriptive answers!

__________________


An autograph on a torn scrapbook page given to me by Maria, on the occasion when she bought a new scrap book.
                   Hay my 'Deer' friend:
                                                Listen, you know that I'm not with you everyday so be careful                                      while jumping tree to tree
                                                                 from sweetest Maria
            (And even after all these years I couldn't figure out how can a deer jump from tree to tree :P)

____________________

History teacher during a lecture on Quaid's fourteen points: tu so mery bachey *pause* Quaid-e-Azam was a very great man.
Sana: *whispers* Quaid-e-Azam was ma'am mir's bachey??
            -its what we call literal meanings!

____________________

A continued conversation:
Aqsa: hain hain hain kun???
Manal:*laughs out loud* what what what???
           -I tend to get some random stupid words in my head!

__________________


 Maro mujhy maro!
           -Sana's words at every good or bad situation!

___________________

Allah jee is class mein tu sary hi namooney shagoofey paida ho gye hain!
          -Bisma in her special way!(God knows if i'll ever be able to find the right english words for this sentence! :P)

________________

And such stories are innumerable......

Abandoned...!!!

         Sitting and Staring at the page not knowing how or where to start! Why is it so hard to express ourselves? Why do we want to hide? From years I've been writing down my thoughts, my feelings, been putting them down in words to calm the troubled mind. Why is it that we can open ourselves to lifeless plane sheets of paper but not to living breathing humans? Why are we afraid of our own kins, our own species more than we ever fear any other thing or being? We all find an indulgence or you can say an escape from our troubles or should I say from life! My escape is writing... I have two of my recently written pieces placed in front of me. I had thought of posting them but I don't think I have the courage to do so! I am afraid words might betray me, they might show the hurt, pain and feelings I've buried deep inside me because I don't want to let anyone find out my weaknesses, they make us vulnerable, people can hurt us. And we humans fear betrayal, we instinctively shy away from anything that can hurt us and our fellow humans are the beings who can hurt us the most.... I guess this is the reason; why we hide, why we fear closeness, why we don't trust...
            A look at the title reminded me of what i had originally intended to write before i started putting down my random errant thoughts!
          I wanted to talk about words. The way they have betrayed me! I had thought of them as my constant companions, always there to help when I felt dejected, hurt, troubled etc etc. Playing with words always helped bring me back to the norm of life!. I have often heard of how things and people abandon us when we need them the most, i had never thought of words as one of those things. But a couple of days ago i noticed it at the time when i was the most distressed and wanted to write and write and write until I relieved myself of all the burden but I couldn't write a single word! nothing came to my mind, it went blank just like the page of my diary opened in front of me at the time.... all my words, all my thoughts left me alone...numb! And when i made the journey back into my mind I discovered that it has always been like this.... I had never consciously realized that words, who i thought to be my constant companions have been betraying me all this time, have been leaving me alone whenever i needed them the most and the realization shocked me!...though it  shouldn't have. I should have kept in mind that it's the temporal nature of all things...they abandon us....they leave us alone. Nothing stays with us forever except the Lord and Creator of all. Only He stays in the hearts of his Creations to help them survive! 
         This is the final truth that i have found every time! no matter where i start or what i think or what i write it always comes to this abandonment, this loneliness where no one but our God stays with us and this is the realization that calms the sea of my thoughts when nothing else works!!

Love...

A rose petal bends
and dew drop falls on pond
rippling all water...

White...

                     White... is not a mere absence of color; it is a shining and affirmative thing, as fierce as red, as definite as black... God paints in many colors; but He never paints so gorgeously, I had almost said gaudily, as when He paints in white.

-Gilbert K. Chesterton

        I have never really accepted white as a color but then it is not even the absence of color... in fact it is the essence of all colors! Science proves that white alone holds all the essential colors of the whole universe. One white splits into seven and from those seven, are made thousands.
        White stimulates optimism and increases the will of reaching perfection. It allows us to feel peace, it gives me the feeling of serenity, and calmness, and kindness. Watching fluffy white clouds chasing each other across skies calms my mind and watching the fresh snow cover the land cools the eyes! It reminds me Wilkie Collins novel 'The Woman In White' in which she said "little girls always look neater and better all in white than in anything alse". I do not know why... but this line has stayed with me from the moment i read it (almost five years back).
        Astrologers say that color white is related to the sign of cancer (my sister's and she sure was calm, loving, caring and pure!) and that it symbolizes purity. I guess this is the reason why; brides walk to the alter dressed up in white, we dress the dead in white for their journey to the next world, mosques and temples are painted white, the elders are pure and wise with their hair white!
        Yes it sometimes gives me the feeling of eerie emptiness and solitude but mostly its soothing and calm and white. Nothing in this world is as pure and perfect as white this is the reason that it keeps motivating us towards purity and perfection. For me it defines truth!

Depiction

I feel
as if I am;
the rusted furniture,
a torn paper,
an abandoned book,
an autumn leaf,
a dried rose,
and a broken stem
from within...

A Wish

I wish i were a single drop of rain!
Then, I would have fallen on the velvety petal of a beautiful flower, in a lush green garden, and would have lain there like a dew drop waiting to sparkle like a diamond under the rays of sun and fascinate every one of the God's creations.
I would have been a mystifying diamond that could be seen in a poor man's garden but couldn't be embedded in the princess's crown. And then the blowing wind would have made me fall off the petal and absorbed by the soil as if I had never been there.
And if my fate had taken me somewhere far away from lands and flowers, then i would have fallen into an ocean covering the wonders of the aquatic world. I was to rest in a beautifully colored sea shell in the depths of the ocean. There I were to turn into a pearl waiting to be discovered by some curious discoverer who could make me an important part of a splendid necklace to be put in a gorgeous innocent girl's neck as her most precious treasure.
My fate could also have taken me to the thick Alpine forest or the high mountain peaks and glaciers to be turned into a snowball and rest on the summit of the mountain queen or in the wings of a giant soaring albatross.
But my dear friends! If, unlucky I would have fallen on the concrete buildings of the modern world, their toughness would have shattered my very soul.

I live

Died
and they buried me,
thinking i am no more.
Limited their preception is,
enslaved by materialism
and physicalities.
But
am
Here, with them
though not apparently,
in chunks and pieces,
distributed between
worms, birds and trees.
My flesh fed
a thousand creatures
and indebted, they allow me
to breathe through them
so
am still here
and i will be,
for innumerable
life spans...

                    -Aksa