"The perfect blend"

When I retreat into the dark recesses of my mind, I find myself in a complexly woven web of thoughts and emotions, both conscious and unconscious. Though it is dark in there but I can still see streaks of brilliant white threads interwoven into the delicate web. The oppressing darkness tries to hide the light in its veil but the brilliance still shines through infusing me with the determination to keep on following to the core- as if I were on a scavenger hunt- in hopes that I might find my true self somewhere in the middle of the tangled  white threads. But at a certain point in the hunt I realize that I am not all goodness personified, so perhaps I have a better chance of finding myself in the dark shadowy parts of the web. But then again I am not completely lost to the darkness, therefore I keep carving my path to the core where the light and the darkness merge and none can be separated from the other because that is what the essence of my character is, a smooth blend of right and wrong, good and bad. I have my flaws and yet I am not completely faulted! I still retain my good qualities and the bad ones help me maintain the balance. The natural balance which is the most fundamental thing in keeping the universe in order. And this is the order that I find at the core of my dark mind web. It is the order from which all the chaos emerges. The chaos that we call life…!!!

MATRIX...!!!

She knows not what to do about it but she has a vague idea about what she feels about it. It's a confusing matter but at times when she dives in too deep into the mind mesh, for an instant she gets the feeling as if she has caught a hold of the unwinding point of the tangled thread, but she losses it again in the passing of a moment. At times, in the silent hours of the night, she wonders if she will ever be able to untangle the delicate silken threads of thoughts, the thoughts concerning that particular matter. The tangled mesh is coloured by all the emotions she could possibly feel, the colours of feelings make it more confusing yet it has a symmetry- a fine complexly arranged matrix- but she is not wise enough to figure out the order or symmetry of the matrix! It leaves her baffled and shaken sometimes. She feels like a fool unable to handle all these pure raw emotions and thoughts of a highly spiritual nature. But there are moments when she feels as if she is an expert authority on the matter, as if she knows all about its spirituality and delicacy! She likes toying with her mind and twisting the thoughts into unrecognizable tangles and yet she also tries to sort them out, as if she ever could....!