Waning Winter!

The chilled winter mornings and fog filled nights are her favorite times of the year. The cold chills the marrow and provides comfort by freezing out all the thoughts and emotions inside her, allowing a reprieve from depressing gloomy moods! The biting cold air challenges her to walk against it to feel alive and refreshed. The fog filled nights reflect her soul helping her hide from the harsh lights of clear starry nights. The hot chocolate shakes in these nights are the best companions and the long sweaters hug her insinuating a feeling of protection. The long hours of darkness save her from the light and help conceal her from vicious beings of the day. She can deal with the demons of the night but not with the snakes that roam around in the day time! The winter helps cover her lessening the absolute fear instilled in her. The chilly mornings wake her up to the fullest potential and the freezing water feels like the force of resurrection pulling her out from eternal slumber! These winter days are the only times that give the feeling of joy and contentment. But now the passing winter is leaving her gloomy and exposed to the harsh light of the approaching summer sun!

Betrayal

Smiling hard
and making conversation
but a lone tear fell,

betraying the inner turmoil...!

                                                  -Aksa

Buried

Clutching her teddy bear
to myself,
I am trying to bury the pain
in the depths of my heart,
The way she is buried now
in the depths of the earth.

Abandoned...!!!

         Sitting and Staring at the page not knowing how or where to start! Why is it so hard to express ourselves? Why do we want to hide? From years I've been writing down my thoughts, my feelings, been putting them down in words to calm the troubled mind. Why is it that we can open ourselves to lifeless plane sheets of paper but not to living breathing humans? Why are we afraid of our own kins, our own species more than we ever fear any other thing or being? We all find an indulgence or you can say an escape from our troubles or should I say from life! My escape is writing... I have two of my recently written pieces placed in front of me. I had thought of posting them but I don't think I have the courage to do so! I am afraid words might betray me, they might show the hurt, pain and feelings I've buried deep inside me because I don't want to let anyone find out my weaknesses, they make us vulnerable, people can hurt us. And we humans fear betrayal, we instinctively shy away from anything that can hurt us and our fellow humans are the beings who can hurt us the most.... I guess this is the reason; why we hide, why we fear closeness, why we don't trust...
            A look at the title reminded me of what i had originally intended to write before i started putting down my random errant thoughts!
          I wanted to talk about words. The way they have betrayed me! I had thought of them as my constant companions, always there to help when I felt dejected, hurt, troubled etc etc. Playing with words always helped bring me back to the norm of life!. I have often heard of how things and people abandon us when we need them the most, i had never thought of words as one of those things. But a couple of days ago i noticed it at the time when i was the most distressed and wanted to write and write and write until I relieved myself of all the burden but I couldn't write a single word! nothing came to my mind, it went blank just like the page of my diary opened in front of me at the time.... all my words, all my thoughts left me alone...numb! And when i made the journey back into my mind I discovered that it has always been like this.... I had never consciously realized that words, who i thought to be my constant companions have been betraying me all this time, have been leaving me alone whenever i needed them the most and the realization shocked me!...though it  shouldn't have. I should have kept in mind that it's the temporal nature of all things...they abandon us....they leave us alone. Nothing stays with us forever except the Lord and Creator of all. Only He stays in the hearts of his Creations to help them survive! 
         This is the final truth that i have found every time! no matter where i start or what i think or what i write it always comes to this abandonment, this loneliness where no one but our God stays with us and this is the realization that calms the sea of my thoughts when nothing else works!!